


Valentine's Day Is Not April Fools

by x_x



Category: Lupin III
Genre: M/M, frenchmaid!Lupin, gay chicken game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 15:57:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9827582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/x_x/pseuds/x_x
Summary: Lupin accidentally becomes Jigen's Valentine.





	

**Author's Note:**

> all my muses are hating Old Flame, so for now here's a scene that Jigen-muse and Lupin-muse wanted to play out instead.

"…What the hell is this?"

 

Here was how Lupin's relationship with Jigen normally worked: Lupin would announce he was going to do a thing, Jigen would tell him to _not_ do the goddamn thing, and Lupin would go right on ahead and do the thing. The thing in particular for today was sending Jigen a high-end escort girl for Valentine's Day.

 

…Except, the high-end escort girl would be Lupin in disguise because they were dead broke, because their last job went horribly awry, and by the time he'd paid off Fujiko to redeem himself a bit in her eyes, and then Goemon to ensure the samurai at least had airfare back to Japan, there was nothing else to show for the disaster aside from a foul mood from Jigen, and a million promises to make it up to him by Lupin.

 

So here he was in a french maid outfit he'd pilfered from the alleyway sex shop two blocks away from the rundown motel room they were squatting in, batting fake eyelashes at the gunman in front of him.

 

"Hey, there, bad man," Lupin said in his best teengirl pornstar voice. A pretty nice rendition if he said so himself, and went along well with the cute-as-hell face he'd constructed in a coffeeshop public restroom. He winked, reaching out to lay a hand on Jigen's chest as he stepped closer. "A little birdy told me you'd be feelin' lonely today."

 

Height was trickier to pull off, but Lupin knew how to fashion flats that held the outward appearance of platformed stripperesque pumps, giving his disguise a plausible reason to be as tall as she was. By spreading his feet and bending slightly to show off his amazing tits (fake, unfortunately~), he could further the illusion of being even littler.

 

Jigen had a cigarette at hand and flicked it, bringing it to his lips as he regarded the girl before him, but ultimately said nothing. Instead, he exhaled a stream of smoke in Lupin's face.

 

 _This is why you don't have a girlfriend, jerk,_ Lupin seethed.

 

He offered his most adorable pout, waggling his behind suggestively. "Are you turning me down?"

 

Another moment of Jigen scowling at him passed. But then, he stepped back, opening the door wider. "No. I'm not."

 

Lupin blinked in pleasant surprise. So the gunman wasn't cold to the core. But then again, who didn't love barely legal french maids? Lupin himself had gotten a bit of a woody checking his reflection in a mirror. Total lay material.

 

But now….

 

Lupin hadn't planned this far ahead. He honestly thought Jigen would've turned him down, then he'd rip off his disguise, they'd have a laugh and then a smoke after, and maybe a drink, and that'd be that. Instead he found himself in territory he hadn't even considered. Was Jigen's rudeness towards women all an act? Did he actually _desire_ them? And what a douchebag Lupin was, going so far to dupe his poor friend into thinking he was about to get laid.

 

"The asshole that stays with me is a slob, so have at it," Jigen said then after shutting the door. He shot Lupin a smirk. "You're a maid, right?"

 

It took every fibre of Lupin's patience to resist the urge to immediately round on him about manners and the proper way of treating a lady. Good thing he hadn't actually sent as escort! The poor girl would've been in tears, or throwing things. _Lupin_ wanted to throw things. And…maybe shed a few tears too, if he were honest-- no one seemed to appreciate his master disguises these days.

 

Jigen went to finish his smoke on the couch, assuming the position Lupin had left him in earlier that day, leaving the beautiful french maid to her own devices while he steadfastly ignored her existence. _Really, Jigen? This is why I can't take you anywhere._ It would've been a good time to throw in the towel at that point, but instead Lupin grit his teeth and went to the kitchenette cabinets to grab the cleaning supplies.

 

He _had_ let the place get a little messy while planning the last job…. So he could clean, _and_ give Jigen a little show while he was at it. Two birds, one stone! Not to mention, he really went all out with this disguise. It'd be a waste not to wear it a bit longer. He glanced over at the full-length vanity leaned back in the corner of the room.

 

It'd been a while since he last got to wear a dress. He didn't have the wondrous shapeliness of Fujiko's thigh-to-calf ratio, but his slender legs took to the sleek look of black pantyhose quite nicely. The skirt poofed out charmingly, covering only just enough: a skirt meant to bend over in. And the top of the dress dipped low in both the front and rearside, showing off his cleavage as well as a lovely laced view of his back. The sleeves were another nice touch, hanging loose off his shoulders.

 

 _Jigen's crazy to not want you_ , he silently assured the girl staring back at him in the mirror. She looked all the part of getting fucked sideways, being made a mess of, moaning while having her hair pulled as someone rutted into her mindlessly-- and yep, he should probably stop looking at himself because that was an erection happening in these pantyhose. Thank goodness the skirt was poofy.

 

When Lupin turned back around, he caught Jigen's eye-- just before the gunman feigned reaching out for his newspaper. Ah-ha! So there _was_ some interest. Did the french maid thing do the trick after all? Did Jigen tell him to clean because that was part of the whole kink? It had become a puzzle. And Lupin the Third could not resist a puzzle.

 

He began posturing about the room, "cleaning", bending near Jigen, purposefully reaching over the gunman for any excuse to get those fine tits in his face and work that cleavage….

 

For some reason, Jigen seemed to fall flat again to all that attention. Wearing that scowl, rolling his eyes, shifting so that he could still read his paper. This went on a few times-- Lupin cleaning and catching Jigen watching, only for the gunman to go cold if Lupin tried to posture and show off his best assets. Just what the hell was the guy into? Was it the cleaning?

 

Lupin scratched his head about it for maybe a moment, before dropping it. More likely, they'd been flukes, and Jigen was only checking to see if the escort had gotten fed up at his attitude. Might as well finish up cleaning and then leave, Lupin supposed. He started out with collecting various dishware he and Jigen had been too lazy to take to the sink during their stay. When he reached for an empty beer bottle on the kitchen table though, Jigen's hand swept in, pushing it to the far side.

 

A scream festered in the pit of Lupin's lung capacity, but he only smiled sweetly as he met Jigen's blank stare. He then bent over the edge of the table in order to get the bottle.

 

He wasn't aware of Jigen moving closer beside him until he felt knuckles skimming over the pantyhose, a hand moving along the plump flesh of his behind. Lupin's heart leapt at the dawning of newfound knowledge:

 

_He's an ass-man!!_

 

That would explain everything. Lupin had been going about it all wrong! Although…he felt odd about it. With how poofy the skirt gathered, he hadn't felt the need to add any inserts to enhance his rump for an hourglass figure. So really, it was _Lupin_ 's ass Jigen was feeling up, as opposed to some made-up woman's.

 

 _Too late to feel weird,_ he resolved, grabbing the bottle and standing up straight. But it was definitely time to go….

 

Jigen was blocking his way.

 

"You need something, big boy?" Lupin asked, flirtatiously licking his lips, even as behind the mask he might've started to sweat.

 

"Yeah. My friend paid decent money for you." Jigen stepped forward, until they were almost pressed against each other, Lupin's legs backed into the edge of the table. Jigen placed a hand into the dip of Lupin's girdled waist. "You're not about to rip him off, are you?"

 

Lupin's stomach did a flip. "Of course not-- the thing about that is--"

 

"The thing about _that_ is I'm a hitman, and trying to pull one over on me is a very. _Stupid_. Thing to do."

 

The way he stressed those words made the detachment of the mask to Lupin's skin all the more painfully obvious. That was it. Game over. Lupin learned his lesson. He opened his mouth to reveal himself, but Jigen kept speaking.

 

"And as much as he pisses me off, I happen to like my friend. So we're both gonna have to deal with this." There was an upward curl to Jigen's lips, like he knew 'dealing with it' wasn't as big a deal for his end.

 

Wait. Did he admit to liking Lupin? _Jigen! You do care!_ But still, where the hell was all this coming from all of a sudden? Had he been feigning disinterest all along? And anyway, if he didn't want the girl, he didn't have to force himself on her _while_ making her feel like crap! What kind of freaking sadist was this guy--? Or…maybe that was it? Jigen got off on going sado?

 

A hand touched Lupin's chin, tilted his face up and jarred his thoughts to a standstill as he found himself looking Jigen in the eye.

 

"Not really my type, but you're cute enough."

 

There was a sharp comeback that immediately formed on Lupin's tongue, but before he could get it out, Jigen's mouth was on his. There was nothing introductory about it, the way Jigen's tongue darted forward forward the moment Lupin's lips parted in surprise. He coaxed Lupin wider, delved deeper, melded them tightly together as he curled their tongues, licking Lupin's, pulling off only after sucking Lupin's bottom lip between his teeth and biting down _hard_.

 

Lupin yelped-- too shocked to remember his girl voice, but the noise was luckily pitched high enough that Jigen didn't seem to notice. The gunman simply dove back in for more. Erstwhile, both his hands had slid roughly down the maid dress, pushed up the ruffles of skirt, and squeezed his asscheeks.

 

He should've pushed away then, should've tried to communicate some kind of sign-- but he was-- he was-- still in shock! Jigen-- _his_ Jigen-- was a _fantastic_ kisser. In his arms, Lupin felt like putty, knees going all wobbly, and head spinning as heat flushed his skin and Jigen simply devoured him.

 

The only reason he even noticed the sound of a belt unclasping was because Jigen broke off then, leaving him panting and wanting and-- dare he say-- aroused.

 

He was still the escort girl. It would have been suspicious if he didn't keep in character; that was why he reached down to help Jigen unbuckle. The latter knocked his hands away, though.

 

"Yeah, you seemed like the handsy type," he chuckled, turning the french maid around.

 

When the belt looped around his wrists, binding them tight together behind his back, Lupin's heart began pounding wildly. So this was what Jigen was into. So much he never knew about the guy, and he was discovering all of it. This was the kind of lover Jigen was. How he was so unlucky in romance when he had a bedroom presence like _this_ , now that was the new mystery!

 

But his heart sunk when he recalled that technically, this moment wasn't his. It belonged to some pretty young thing with doe eyes and pink-glossed lips. The girl in the mirror. _Yeah…still hot_ , his mind decided, when he found the thought did not at all effect his partial erection.

 

"Bend over," Jigen said.

 

Whoa, okay-- Lupin found himself being pushed down none too gently onto the table. _Now_ would definitely be a good time to--

 

_SLAP._

 

Lupin cried out, body jerking from the force, the sharp sting shooting a straight line of arousal to his groin. Holy _crap_?! Another slap arrived soon after, followed by another, and so on. _Sadist! Called it!_ It was all Lupin could take as the pain began layering, the skin went from feeling raw to nearly numb. He tried biting on his bottom lip to keep himself from accidentally using his real voice, but then Jigen's other hand found the locks of the wig and wrung it so tightly, Lupin's own hair was pulled along-- and at that point, Lupin knew his pitch was fluctuating too much but couldn't find it in him to care.

 

By the time Jigen finally seemed to have gotten his fill on the spanking, Lupin's cock was painfully hard, leaking into the fabric of the pantyhose, squeezed by the tight fabric. Lupin squirmed and gasped as Jigen's fingertips trailed over the abused flesh of his backside.

 

The gunman told him, "Hold still."

 

Stark air hit him as Jigen pulled the pantyhose down just enough to expose his buttocks, creating more friction between the mesh fabric and Lupin's wet cockhead. Lupin heard something like a bottle cap being popped. And then, Jigen's wet fingertips were there--

 

Lupin reared up and opened his mouth to protest, only to be shoved back down onto the table roughly and spanked again, hard enough this time that Lupin's eyes watered. Each time he tried to move, Jigen's belt bit into his arms-- the pantyhose rubbed into his cock, and Jigen's fingers tightened around his neck. He couldn't imagine being in a better position, until Jigen took one of his legs and propped it high up onto the table, further tightening the grip the pantyhose had on his dick. Lupin whimpered.

 

"Hold still," Jigen said again. This time, in his ear. And this time, it sounded like less of a threat and more like a sweet nothing.

 

Lupin shivered despite himself. He couldn't help the small noise that escaped him as Jigen slid a finger into him. He had to bite his lip to keep from making more as Jigen dipped in and out, pressing into his prostate with each movement. His cock was stone hard in moments, jammed tight and dripping wet against the panty hose that were stretched taut around his spread thighs. That was bad. Real bad. How could he out himself _now_? 'Hey, Jigen, if you could only take a moment to stop fingerfucking me, but this was supposed to be a prank, but now I'm seriously turned on, so maybe we should talk about this'?

 

Yeah, no, Jigen would kill him. They'd gotten too far to be able to simply laugh this all off. So much for the smoke and drink after.

 

Not to mention, with Jigen adding a second digit and moving them into Lupin that made the thief's knees fold… _screw talking._ He might've been able to shove Jigen off earlier, sometime before the fingerfucking, before the spanking, before the bondage, before the kiss-- _geez, Lupin, it didn't take a psychologist_ \-- okay, okay, so maybe he'd kind of been hoping for a _reaction_ , but never would he have thought it would go _this_ far.

 

This far being Jigen leaned over him almost predatorily, running his teeth and lips over the exposed skin of Lupin's neck. The rough feel of his beard scratched and tickled and drove him insane, making everything worse (read: making everything _better_ ).

 

Lupin's eyes fell shut and he writhed, feeling weirdly jealous of himself. Jealous of the french maid girl Jigen was so zealously sticking his fingers into and putting that amazing mouth all over. _And whose fault is that?_

 

"Anyone ever do this to you before?" Jigen asked, sounding genuinely interested, if kind of breathless.

 

The thief collected himself just enough to pitch his voice. "W…women…."

 

A pause. Then a rough hand caressed the front of his throat, loosely wrapped around the base. "Dirty girl."

 

 _Oh, god._ That shouldn't have turned him on as much as it did. As if that weren't enough, turns out the hand on his throat was for leverage-- Jigen's other hand began driving into him with more force, hitting that awful spot inside him like he knew exactly what he was doing. Wait. Did he…? But he just said--

 

Jigen interrupted his thoughts by pushing his groin against Lupin's bare hip, and the latter's mouth dried at finding out the gunman was hard. And…pretty well-hung. And pressed up against Lupin in a lulling motion. Oh god, what the fuck were they doing why did Lupin ever think this was a good idea…. Jigen added a third finger, started shoving in with a hard, jerking motion of his arm. Lupin knew he was moaning-- he wasn't even sure if it was in his girl pitch-- drooling against the wood grain of the table as he eagerly met each of Jigen's thrusts. At the same time, his squeezed cock felt every small motion due to how tight the pantyhose pulled across his length; and every tug rubbed into his foreskin in just exactly the right way….

 

Heat coiled tight in his groin-- Lupin wailed, a shudder running down the full length of his body as every nerve sprung to life. His pantyhose pooled with hot cum, cock twitching as it ground and oozed against the fabric. His hips jerked sloppily against Jigen's hand, rhythm abandoned as he rode out the subsequent waves of pleasure.

 

"Did you just…?" There was an astonished note to Jigen's voice.

 

Lupin was still reeling from his orgasm, trembling on the table and too weak and too stunned to focus on anything but the endorphins pumping through his system in a haze. Even his dick still twitched out a final spurt.

 

He felt Jigen turning him over, didn't even care about how his weight pushed his bound arms uncomfortably into the table's hard surface. Jigen slung Lupin's legs over one shoulder, and in the next moment, he felt the tell-tale nudge of Jigen's bare dick pressing against his rear as the gunman leaned over him, pushing his legs to the utmost extent of his flexibility. Lupin winced, managing only a soft noise to indicate he was still conscious.

 

Jigen leaned down and kissed him for the effort. And to his surprise, this one was gentle, as if to say _almost done_. Nearly deceptive in how in the next moment, Jigen was pushing his cock in. Lupin snapped from the kiss with a gasp as it filled him, definitely a big difference from his fingers.

 

When the gunman pulled back, he wore a sharp grin-- Lupin knew it as the one he wore whenever he hit his mark.

 

"You really are a dirty girl," Jigen snickered, cheek endearingly nuzzled against Lupin's calf as he panted. "Say it."

 

"I'm a dirty g-girl…," Lupin repeated dumbly, shocked at the sensation of reinvigorating chills the words sent through his body as Jigen began fucking him with quick, forceful jerks. It was like a mantra for getting himself hard again.

 

"Dammit, take this shit off already…."

 

Before Lupin could react, the gunman had dug his fingers into one of his tits and ripped off the entire bust, mask and all.

 

Lupin inhaled sharply at the rush of cold air on the sweat he'd built up under the costume. "Jigen, you--? _Aaaahnn_ \--"

 

Jigen echoed the sentiment with a throaty hum of his own, angling his thrusts so that Lupin began crying out in time with the sound of their skin slapping wetly together, the sound of the table scraping against the floor.

 

"Again," Jigen said hoarsely. "I wanna hear _you_ say it."

 

" _Mgh_ \--! I-- I'm a dirty g-girl?" Lupin stammered, still stunned. He could _feel_ Jigen get even harder inside him.

 

The gunman must have been close. His thrusts became haphazard and desperate. "Again."

 

"I'm a d-dirty girl-- I'm a dirty _girl_ \--" Too hard, too _much_. Lupin cried out, not entirely out of pleasure. "I can't-- _Jigen_ , this is--"

 

" _Lupin_ \--" The groan came out low, distraught.

 

Lupin felt Jigen bite down hard where his neck and shoulder connected. And then there was a flash of warmth, the feeling of wetness bursting inside him and brimming out. He gasped, marveling at the amount of cum, at how Jigen was still thrusting albeit slower now as he spilled himself inside Lupin-- until finally, Jigen slumped heavily on top of him, spent.

 

 _God_ if that wasn't one of the hottest things Lupin had ever experienced. _I did that_ , his ego spurred. _I got that stubborn, grouchy asshole to lose his mind and fuck me on a table and cum inside me._ And yup, he was totally hard again, erection hot and pinned under Jigen's weight. He shifted his hips upwards-- it was all the friction he'd need to get off a second time, he knew.

 

Instead, Jigen's hand slid between them out of nowhere and grasped him through the pantyhose, startling him at first, only to have him eager for it with a few knowing strokes.

 

Lupin moaned wantonly, tossing his head back, unabashed as he pushed his cock into Jigen's hand. When he looked back to Jigen, he found the gunman staring at him. Not angry. Just…intent. Trained on Lupin's expressions as his hand played patterns on the thief's dick.

 

The thief swallowed thickly, turning red. "You knew it was me."

 

"From the start. You had me second-guessing a few times. I didn't know you'd…let me do all this stuff to you." Jigen's voice dropped a notch.

 

Lupin's breath hitched and his eyes fluttered at 'all this stuff'. "…You didn't stop. Even though you knew."

 

"You didn't tell me to stop." Jigen tilted his head, pausing his hand with a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Should I?"

 

Lupin could've cried. Instead he shot Jigen his most pleading look, heaving his hips upward. "Don't be a prick…."

 

"You deserve it." Even still, Jigen pressed him palm down, curved his fingers around the shape Lupin's cock made against the pantyhose, meeting Lupin's motion in a slow, heavenly grind.

 

"I _do_. But-- _hnnnh_ …." Lupin wracked his mind for answers, but all he could of was how _good_ Jigen's hand felt on his cock, how painfully close he was, the feeling of Jigen's dick still inside him, Jigen's cum leaking out….

 

"But," Jigen sighed, bringing his other hand to swivel around Lupin's wet dickhead and grinning when the thief bucked and yelled out. "I guess I have a soft-spot for dumbass thieves dolled up as french maids."

 

Lupin's second orgasm was more mellow than the first, spreading through his body from a resonant ache in his gut. Jigen pushed him flat into the table, and his own shakes were enough friction as he rode it out on stuttered breaths.

 

Jigen's lips found his at the tail-end of it, coaxing him slowly back into coherency. His tongue slipped in, and Lupin met it with a playful lick of his own. Then, Jigen pulled back and looked down at him, examining his work. Lupin could only imagine how he looked, maid outfit utterly ruined and covered in cum. All the result of some game of gay chicken.

 

"Happy Valentines Day?" he laughed weakly.

 

"You're really terrible, you know." Jigen didn't seem displeased at all, though, as he touched their foreheads. "This. Is terrible."

 

Lupin nuzzled their noses together in response. "At least I won't need the mask next time."

 

"No. But keep the outfit."


End file.
